Zane Rizvi swiped across his phone and curled his lips in a fit
of revulsion. The 19-year-old student at Cal State Long Beach,
who identifies as bisexual, shared a bit of what his life is like on the
smartphone dating app Tinder.
“OK, these guys are all pretty ugly right now,” he said.
A devoted Tinder user for about a year, Rizvi uses the dating
app to meet men and women, or entertain himself by engaging in lengthy
messaging with people he matches with, which happens when each user swipes
right on the other’s profile, to show they’re interested.
Though not a new trend, finding dates online or through
smartphone apps is rising steadily. A recent Pew Research Center survey of
2,001 adults in the U.S. shows
that 27 percent of Americans
between the ages of 18 and 24 have used online or app dating, a number that has
tripled in the last two years.
Fifteen percent of American adults overall
report they have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps, up from 11 percent in early 2013, according to a February study in Pew.
And it’s not just a Millennial thing. The percentage of adults
between 55 and 64 years
old who have used online dating doubled during the same time period, from 6 percent to 12 percent.
Forty-one percent of Americans know someone who uses online
dating, with 29 percent knowing someone
who has met a spouse or longtime partner in the digital world, according to
Pew.
Apps for every romantic appetite abound. There’s JSwipe for
Jewish people. Bumble, which makes women make the first move. Grindr and Scruff
are apps for gays.
While eight in 10 Americans who have used online dating say it’s a good way to
meet people, and 62 percent
agree that it allows people to find a better match, close to half (45 percent) say the Internet and apps are more dangerous ways to
meet people than other means.
Another negative, or positive depending on one’s perspective: 31 percent agree that online dating gives people options and
therefore causes them to delay settling down, according to Pew.
In some cases, dating apps and online sites might be fun at
first, but like other novelties, the thrill wears off.
“Every new match, it’s the same questions,” said Mariah Garcia,
a 20-year-old student at CSULB.
She described the tedium of messaging with guys who seem to buy
discount pickup lines from the flirt factory. What’s a woman to do when all she
reads is “Hey,” “What’s up?” or “You’re so beautiful”?
Garcia said men need to make an effort to set themselves apart
on dating apps.
“I’m more likely to like them more if they show personality or
if they say something funny,” she said.
Garcia dated a couple of men she met on Tinder. One didn’t go
anywhere. The other?
“We dated for a hot minute,” Garcia said, laughing.
Mark Carrier, a psychology professor at Cal State Dominguez Hills in Carson, said online dating is a
rational endeavor for those who want to find a partner.
It requires little effort and offers convenience, especially in
a world where people are accustomed to using apps and websites as a way to
quickly get things done.
“Looking for other people and portraying yourself are all easier
to do through the apps,” Carrier said.
But finding people this way is not without its pitfalls. Sixteen
percent of American adults say people who use online dating sites are
desperate, according to Pew.
The research center also found that among those who have used
online dating, 53 percent
of women say it’s more dangerous than other ways of meeting people, with 38 percent of men saying such.
And the danger isn’t just in meeting a weirdo.
Carrier said on dating apps and websites, people let their
guards down and freely offer bits of information that could come back to haunt
them.
Screenshots of lurid conversations could be posted online, or
perhaps if the relationship sours, a vengeful person takes the information you
shared and uses it against you.
“Disinhibition is a mechanism by which people are much more
willing to disclose personal information, and that alters the dating experience
by the using the device, for the better or the worse,” Carrier said. “The problem
with disinhibition is you are more likely to behave in ways that are
detrimental to your long-term goals.”
And in the early formation of relationships, the chemistry
between two people online or through a dating app can quickly dissolve when
they meet in the flesh.
Such was the case once for Rizvi, who met a woman in Vancouver
he found on Tinder. All the fun bantering through messages suddenly disappeared
when they first saw each other.
“It was pretty awkward,” Rizvi said.
It’s a common occurrence. Mainly, because when people portray
themselves through texts or emails, they are only offering slices of themselves
that project an image of what they want other people to have of them.
The person receiving the messages is forming an impression of
you with limited information, so the brain starts to fill in the rest of a
personality profile, Carrier said.
This starts when they see your photo on a dating site or app.
Carrier said people will look at photographs and immediately draw up mental
images of a stranger’s characteristics, like intelligence or integrity.
“So when you meet the person, that impression can change, and
the reality doesn’t match,” Carrier said.
His advice to dating app users is be cautious before sharing
personal information, and pause to consider how what you type can be used
against you later. Slow down and don’t be impulsive, he said.
